Simply Seis: Poaching an egg

Hey everybody. JAS here. Our newest contributor, Tone, and I have come up with a wonderful new recurring feature to NMD (and it's not coming up with acronyms!). We call it "Simply Seis." In these posts, I will write six-step directions to teach our readers some of those everyday tasks that may be intimidating to them. Simply Seis: Six simple steps to do something simple simply. Today's entry: Poaching an egg.
Simple step #1: Go get some eggs. Bring them home and keep them in the refrigerator.

Simple step #2: Put a good amount of water (at least 6 cups) in a large pot and boil over high heat.

Simple step #3: When the water comes to a boil, add a couple of tablespoons of white vinegar.

Simple step #4: Crack your egg on the countertop (cracking eggs on a flat surface makes it less likely that little shards of shell will make it into your egg and later give you one of those cuts on the roof of your mouth that you can't stop licking so they never heal), but before dropping the egg into the water, use a spoon to swirl the water clockwise (this, along with the vinegar, will help keep the egg in an adorable little bundle instead of letting the white splay out like the hair of the SNAKE-HEADED GORGON MEDUSA).

Simple step #5: Drop the egg into the swirling water, and when the water comes back to a boil, turn the heat down to a bare simmer. Let your egg sit in the water for a couple of minutes, fish out with a slotted spoon, and serve on toast for a delicious and healthy breakfast!

Simple step #6: Don't be tempted to buy an egg poacher, or an egg poaching pan, or any other of those opiates of the masses. In addition to the fact that nobody eats poached eggs often enough to justify the purchase of an expensive tool that only poaches eggs, egg poachers etc. are lame and people will laugh at you.

This is J. Alton Simpletary wishing you simple success with this week's Simply Seis!