Did somebody say "homeless?"

Thanks, Colmes. I couldn't have asked for a better introduction into the very scientific survey I've been conducting that I was hoping to share with you, the Internet.

Dear readers, I am a denizen of the world. I have lived in four-- FOUR-- different places in the past year or so, and I'm pretty sure that classifies me as some sort of cosmopolitan wonder. Lucky you-- I'm willing to impart some of the knowledge I've gathered throughout my journeys with your simple, small-town minds.

One of the most fascinating, most diverse peoples I have encountered in my travels has been the homeless. Faithful reader(s) will recall a previous post in a previous blog, arguably in a previous life, that covered the variety of hobos you'd come across in the Parisian region. Today I will let you in on three other species of these roofless marvels.

The Collegetown Hobo
Habitat: Ithaca, NY
This little guy could often be found in/outside of Stellas, the local super overpriced and pretentious cafe that may or may not be missing a few bar stools due to some antics that have NOTHING to do with anyone I may or may not know, often with an issue of the New York Times in tow. Rumors, though apparently unreliable (who knew?), have suggested that this breed is educated, merely a student who graduated and then... never left. Sad? Maybe, but to me, this creature is nothing short of noble. Not to mention avant-garde; his hairstyle, a whirlwind of curls and facial hair, is bound to catch on any day now.


The Prophet Hobo
Habitat: New York, NY
I met (was accosted by) this fine gentleman outside of a classy Manhattan lounge (FIFTY CENT BEERS, YEAHHHHHHHHH) on a night out with some of my compatirots. My intial reaction was to stare with passionate intent at a crack in the sidewalk, hoping he would not notice me and go on to ask me for change (which, in my defense, I never have). This man, however, was different. He spoke with such conviction in regards to his Lord and Savior, was so clear and eloquent, and on top of it all, was able to make his spiel rhyme. Impressed by the originality and overall quality of his pitch, I gave him what few dollars I could muster. I'm glad I did-- a permanent fixture in the Upper West Side nightlife scene, I'd often run into Leon and would greet my old friend with a handshake and a laugh.


The Kung-Fu Hobo
Habitat: Miami, FL
Dangerous despite being unarmed, this man clearly rules the street. I had been in Miami not 24 hours when, on my way to a Thai establishment for some delicious foodstuffs, my host and I were merely walking by this lanky, high-waisted-pantsed individual when he quickly threatened us with a swift 'hi-ya!' and a air-chop RIGHT OUR FACES. Fortunately, my friend was wielding an umbrella at the time (thanks, Fay) and would have been ready to stab should the homeless ninja continue his attack, but something in his gait tells me that we wouldn't have stood a chance; Sidewalk Warrior, Miami is yours.



Will Gainesville hold as diverse and interesting a homeless population as I have encountered on my travels*? All signs point to yes. I'll keep you posted, dear friends, for my thirst for knowledge is as ardent as Leon's thirst for change.




*according to my friend, "Oh my God, yes." Sweet!